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San Francisco Angels

 Wood Bat Baseball Team

2003 Angels Notes

WARNING !

This is an adult web site. Our players are tough men who play out both ends of doubleheaders.

Kids stay away! We stomp, we yell, we curse, we make fun, too. We use insults for results! We spit on buffoons! We clown on all the other clowns. This is an F-bomb weapons site. We hurl sensible  profanity against the vulgarity of money.  We expose self-deception. We wage war on the provincial creed, "Power to My Kind!" Our religion is baseball. If  you  can't  handle the truth on this site,  go away!

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This Week's Question: "What Does The Travel Director Do In The Winter?"

Answer: "I'm not sure. My nephew has this neat program he got from the Internet, and I'm having fun with it, even though I don't know what it does."

Building a championship team:  SF State Coach Matt Markovich's  improved SF State Gators missed the CCAA playoffs in May by 1 game. Matt is now working on building up the roster and setting up for next season. A real player's coach, Matt is ready to discuss team and personal goals with prospective SF State athletes.                                              http://athletics.sfsu.edu/men/baseball/  

Matt and his staff also run affordable week-long summer youth (ages 6- 12) baseball camps at SF State. 

[click here for 2003 camp brochure]

The Swamp undergoes regular hydration.

In the background are the ivory towers of SF State.

As for the Angels, we're scouting for our own field, and looking at a new crop of players who can bring in some revenues.

At left, the summit at Buena Vista Park, San Francisco. Needs to be leveled out. Might have to change the rules to allow for pitch and putt, or multi-level baseball. The biggest hindrance, though, is the dog owners' lobby.  

Below, now that Disney has sold off the Anaheim Angels, they can make a more modest investment in our franchise. We'll be a company team!

We're Dedicated!

This site is dedicated to the recollection of Horace Albina Lawrence, who is long dead,  and Horace Lawrence III, who is well-fed, if not prosperous. Lawrence III (the gentleman depicted on the right) joined the New York Yankees minor league system in July 2003, after a hot start in the Frontier League, and a .407 batting average his senior year at the University of South Dakota.

http://www.frontierleague.com/news-democrat_157.htm

http://www.frontierleague.com/news-democrat_153.htm

Horace Lawrence III played with the Angels in July & August 2001. "He almost broke my arm," said the Angels Travel Director, "trying to throw a ball at the umpire, but I stopped it. We kicked him off the team, he apologized, and was reinstated the next week in Reno. We tried to get him to Grand Forks, but we couldn't figure out a quick trip from Spokane to Sioux Falls for school. Anyway, now I can sue him and collect enough money to run the Angels for three centuries."

PLAYER                 AVG   G  AB  R   H 2B 3B HR RBI BB  SO SB CS   SLG  OBP  E
*Lawrence, Horace  .211  26  71   4  15  4  0  0  12   7  13   0  1  .268  .288  1
http://www.siyanks.com/clientfiles/2003%20SI%20Yankees%20Stats.htm

Save the filing fee until the stats improve!

"Notice: The San Francisco Angels Wood Bat Baseball Team has no social interest in the success of Horace Lawrence III; we don't give a bite in the ass that he is black; we just want to share his money. We care socially as much about Horace Lawrence III as we do about Horace Albina Lawrence, who isn't even living."

Isn’t it “we don’t give a rat’s ass?” What is this “bite in the ass?” You should issue a correction!

A Committee spokesperson responds to the web site inquiry:

"The San Francisco Angels Wood Bat Baseball Team Committee on Social Responsibility and Revenues has already met and issued its statement. The Committee is a volunteer body that does not have regular meetings. Should you wish to persist in challenging the wording of an official statement of the Committee, you must apply for a Special Session wherein you will submit your challenge in person. This application must be made in writing and delivered through the U.S. Postal Service. Enclose the nonrefundable $500 Special Session Application Fee along with your application narrative to California Baseball Association, 141 States Street, San Francisco, Ca  94114. We must warn you, however, that the Committee is not likely to give a rat’s ass about your whining."

Now that's better!

OFF-SEASON TOPIC:

 Should The Groper Remain the New Official State Fish?

If not, we might have to pull him in and throw him out!

At left: Arnold, The Happy Groper

What kids are saying at school:

"I think I'd like to be a happy groper like Arnold. He's slick too!  I don't care what they say, I bet it's fun to be a groper. "

Care & treatment of a groper:

Believe it or don't, gropers like to be slapped. What fish doesn't!

Slap your groper at will, and nobody will bother you. Slap 'em right away and everyone will be grateful. Don't wait around! You can slap 'em wrapped in newspapers, but don't expect the newspapers to do everything for you. 

At right: two gropers

Keep the groper fish separated from the wild kobe fish or you'll have a lot of explaining to do at the laundromat. Some will apologize for the mess they made- and some will deny messing around!

Proof that Arnold hallucinated as a child!

Angel Notes (our Insider scoops up all the good shit): 

Angels pitcher Robert Salini (Sonoma State) moved on in the summer to the Great Lakes League, one of those leagues with college sophomores and juniors segregated from the rest of baseball and given special diets in fenced-in feed lots, with small implants embedded (through minor surgery) to monitor results. The Great Lakes League Baseball Research Director Naftaly Frenkel explains it all in their marketing brochure: "And with this button, we will get Junior to follow through on his pitches, while this dial over here gives him a little motivation to drop down lower. Nice little jolt, but necessary to create the wiring in the brain to assure a consistent motion." Salini  was getting regular work in the Angels rotation and should be well-prepared for the disciplined and organized-in-lockstep neo-Lutheran environment provided in Swedish cow country. Hey, but don't worry, there's less traffic! He had been scheduled to start regularly for the Angels, about 80 innings in the summer. Let's see how many he gets with his science-o-meter team.

Some players have gone to the Great Midwest Wilderness and never returned. Sometimes this is good. One-time Angel pitcher and San Francisco native Derrick Rufer, who used to pitch with headphones on, went to college in Iowa, found a gal who sure looked pretty, and started a refrigerated truck dealership, Rufer's Reefers. In Salini's case, Italian meat processing firms in Chicago are already lining up with endorsement offers.

Post-season note- Actually, Robert pitched for the Alexandria Beetles of the Northwoods League in Minnesota. They let him air it out with short relief work. He reached the mid-90s in some games. His 2003 summer record:

Team      W-L ERA   G GS SV  IP   H   R ER HR HB BB SO OPP.AVG.

SF Angels 3-0 3.68  5  5  0  22   18 16  9  0  1 19 20  .220

Beetles   1-1 3.51 23  0  8  25.2 15 14 10  0  5 23 36  .161

In America's Heartland, this is a hot date. And you know Clarabelle Cow might really go for a big and meaty Salini Salami.

Salini at 3rd base before he became a specialist.

Angels' star shortstop Django Whittington Brudnick excelled during the summer. He has now honestly returned to Indiana Tech this fall, where apparently he will play with 34 white brothers and Kevin Mitchell, who it seems has returned to college under the Adult Re-entry Program.

Oh, but let us be honest and fair for a moment: Indiana Tech has long had one of the nation's top NAIA baseball programs; its 2003 record was 42-20. And the 2004 photo at their web site shows a greater assimilation of peoples. It also reveals that Django is on the team; he still gets listed last wherever he goes; "Brudnick" for that reason alone is a better last name.

Mike Ruane (ex-Texas Tech) returned to the Angels lineup Friday night May 9, 2003 as the designated hitter, walked three times and was hit by a pitch. Mike was a powerful cleanup hitter for the Angels in the early 1990s and then joined our Phantom All-Star Team. This dream team is comprised of outstanding players who we wished would show up but who had retired without telling anyone. Many ex-pros and college stars fill the ranks of the Angels' Phantom All-Star Team.

Mike's return leads to the hope that others from that ethereal realm will make a return to real life baseball. Next on the list for an appearance should be Harold McCray, who some say was the best Angels player of the mid-1990s. They're wrong, of course, but Homerun Harold worked hard at his game and played in very good physical condition. Today, Hippo Hips Harold is a mortgage broker in  San Francisco, and an audiophile- someone who sits around doing nothing but listening to music. Definitely a health risk. But even now, one half-swing of his bat drives the ball over the fence. It's wood bats now, Harold, stop lagging.

[In return for this abuse, we have agreed to allow Mr. McCray some ad space.- webmaster]

Other Phantom All-Star Team Members who made appearances in 2003:

Art Ramirez was a solid infielder and pitcher for the Angels for several years, played briefly early this year showing off his considerable defensive skills.

Catcher Chris Trelut was the starting catcher for the Angels in the last millennium, attended Point Loma Nazarene College in 2000 & 2001, starting every game in 2000 and committing only one error. He played that way with the Angels, too. He suffered a shoulder injury in 2001. Chris played for the Angels in a game at Diablo Valley College in July 2003, hitting a double in his first at bat in two years, but then retired again, and regained phantom status. 

The DVC parking ticket scam protest letter is in the mail (see  May 21 & 22 games) .  No one reported a response. However, the parking lot was repaved in the late summer and the signs might have changed.

$ome of the player$ contributed to the umpire fund during the Thur$day June 19 game, en$uring the return of the umpire$ the following $aturday. We borrowed money for ba$eball$ and umpire$ for the re$t of the weekend.  The travel director ha$ empty pocket$ and i$ now fa$ting. "$erve$ him good," $tated Angle$ manager Roland Nazar, "He need$ to take off a few pound$ anyway." The Angel$ are filling out loan application$ wherever available. A potential late-$ea$on fund-rai$er wa$ qua$hed when the fed$ took the poppie$- $ee article. 

Plea$e con$ider $upporting a $emipro ba$eball team! Make inquirie$ to Travel Czar, California Ba$eball A$$ociation, 141 $tates $treet, $an Franci$co, Ca  94114. We can al$o help you $tart a team in your hometown!

Parents and well-wishers, we are in need of generous assistance to cover team travel and uniform expenses. We will provide a full accounting. The team began having real money problems during the difficult NBC-qualifying tournament in Santa Barbara in July. Please participate with your financial support before we're forced by lack of resources to transform this pristine web site into a portal for spam, spyware, and sensual solicitation. Promote community decency, uphold law and order, save this site from degradation, and save the Angels (to the extent that's possible) from debauchery and pagan idolatry!

It might be too late.           

Above left, the Wild Women of Renfree. At right, prehistoric sculpture "Venus of Willendorf." This is just the beginning!            

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