San Francisco Angels Wood Bat Baseball Team

Our overlords, the American Amateur Baseball Congress (AABC), attach baseballs to your cursor when you visit their site, but they disappear when you leave.

LOST & FOUND DEPARTMENT

Most found articles we sell on EBay. We send the proceeds to the U.S. Treasury to help pay down the enormous debt created by the Bush tax cut.

However, as a noble gesture to the other teams who were literally stripped clean this past summer by the marauding Angels (until the big tournaments!), we place on display this used Shasta College jacket abandoned in a panic by a retreating Oakland Eagle.

Just claim it, apologize for playing poorly against us, and it's yours.

Uh-oh. NEVER MIND! Ben Smith says it's his. (1/03/04)

At right: A Mike Smith cartoon from 1995. It's still the same ol' game.

Above: Angels catcher Brad Shannon (Sonoma State) watches the action at SF State, sitting with Danno Kingman; while Wes Bentley stands. Shannon was the team's 2003 MVP, playing 60 games for the Angels, hitting more homeruns than the rest of the team combined.

"Who Are You, Anyways?"

For over twenty years, the San Francisco Angels were an anarchist collective posing as a semi-pro baseball team. There were no deep-pocketed billionaire sponsors, just volunteers. In 2003, we had Manager Roland Nazar, luncheon procurement officer Dan Kingman, site preparation engineer Jack Wolf, the webmaster intern "HotDogg", and the anomalous travel director.

Instead of being charged an enormous fee, it was pay as you go for the players, getting some help from the volunteers, families, and friends. However, if we had found a sponsor early, we would have been willing to turn into unbridled Texas Republicans!

A few extra Angels jerseys for pass-along use arrived and should have saved the team embarrassment when they asked for uniform numbers for the players and we had to list the same number 5 ("Nazar") for several players, and pitchers had to rip off their shirts to pass them on when they left the mound.

At first, the new jerseys were passed around to the players to keep, almost everyone had one. Then we added about eight more players, so now everyone became "Nazar" all over again.

A generous sponsor helped out in late July, but the Angels did not win any late tournaments, so the anarchist collective dissolved into bickering and confusion. The San Francisco Angels are now organized under the California Baseball Association, a California non-profit corporation with a Board of Directors and slick ideas! Others previously associated with the team are also working to improve the organizational and competitive strength of summer collegiate baseball in Northern California.

See also Our Mission Statement.

See also the 1999 SF Independent article.

We Need Your Help!

Mike Ryan models the SF Angels standard ensemble: the player's college cap and the ubiquitous Roland Nazar #5 jersey.

Please improve our dress code by donating to our SF Angels Uniform & Equipment Fund. Mail check to California Baseball Association, 141 States Street, San Francisco, Ca 94114. A full accounting of your donation, with copies of the receipts, will be posted on this web site with a big "Thank You!" as a headline.

You know folks, people around the world are finding extra sources of income in live kidney donations! You might have joked to a friend about the value of your chemicals, but believe me, some of your organs have a high value on the free market.

Did you know that you have an unneeded extra kidney that's worth tens of thousands of dollars? What better way to help the San Francisco Angels team than to allow us to broker your in-kind donation that will save a life and save a baseball team!

Do double duty to humankinds and donate your organ today!

You need an honest broker like us, now that live kidney sales have been banned from EBay- click here for story.

Unanimous Vote

NAZAR JOINS

HALL OF FAME!

(San Francisco, December 3) Roland Nazar has been chosen by unaminous vote as the first inductee to the San Francisco Angels Wood Bat Baseball Team Hall of Fame. Overcoming physical adversity, a confusing family life, extreme pretensions of athletic prowness, yet with a sharp mental acuity that led to leadership skills and great value in association with the Angels and all of his endeavors! If only we all could rise to his level! Years of devotion to the cause of the San Francisco Angels, through all its turmoil, increased exponentially the vital greatness of this outstanding individual.

Yes, friends, Lil' Rol' Nazar won this honor by his unflagging commitment to the Angels and the life of baseball. As the batboy for many years (he brought Roland Sr. along to help run the team), Lil' Rol' developed an uncanny ability to recall instantaneously the uniform number of any player. And vice versa! No one else associated with the team ever came close to matching this enviable skill. For that alone, he deserves accolades from the entire Intergalactic baseball community.

Lil' Rol' has moved on to other athletic endeavors and activities more challenging to the life of genius, yet he remains the #1 most admired person ever to be associated with the Angels organization, simply by never raising his voice in anger at the Travel Director, despite the latter's unusually frequent manifestations of failure in skill and judgment. Lil' Rol' visits the team from time to time, and he is viewed in awe and honor during his time with the Angels.

Joining Roland Nazar to the Hall of Fame is former batboy Nick Velasco, nephew of former Angel great Don Bradshaw. Lefty Velasco practiced his baseball skills more than any of the regular team players. Now that he has ascended toward adult maturity, we look forward to his entry into the Angels lineup as a strong contributor.

Top: Roland Sr. looks on, but Lil' Rol' was the one in charge of making sure things happened. Above: Lil' Rol' evaluates the condition of the mound at Silver Terrace. At left: Nick Velasco explains the physics of proper sliding to two Angel ballplayers.

Sometimes a big swing goes nowhere, man.

We are a Bio-Rational web site. We follow the Yogi Principle for bioengineering: We support genetic mutation "only when it makes you a better person."

Our position on marriage: "People who marry should agree to have sex!"

Our position on Fate: If that's the way it is, then that's the way it gots to be.

The fundamental agreement between religion and atheism: "Death is nothing!"

Our prediction for the Middle East: Close call. Jews regain lead. Fair Odds: OVER 2.5 1.99 // UNDER 2.5 1.97.

Our position on evolutionary epistemology from phylogenetic and ontogenetic viewpoints: It's hard to say.

USE YOUR HANDS!

Support the Federation for Four-Limbed Sports®, opposed to the numbing expansion of soccer and other limb-restrictive/limb-biased activities: "When you castrates sports, you castrates peoples!"

Our resident pseudo-neo-Nietzschean and crypto-pastichean social critic and sports columnist Jerome Sanders Dickey, Phd., adds these (new, improved) comments:

“The driving force for the expansion of limb-restricted sport is the same that has beaten down most physical skills and even mental skills which require interaction with the real world. For example, one now makes music with a different skill set. For millennia we used tools called instruments with which we made music. Now they mock these tools with faux-playing on music videos. As if we are indifferent to such acts of blasphemy upon human skills. Just play-act! Just cut and paste! The tangible aspects have been rationalized toward extinction.

"What matters is we've now lost our taste for the greater effort. Aesthetically, this is an ugly situation. Our judgement of our capabilities as human beings is in decline. We are slashing at our own existence, as if we were seeking to overcome by undermining ourselves. This is self-destruction! Understand, then, the sensitivity over tools- our extensions, and over limbs! For from this we ask, "So what else that is human is being removed from the real world?" Just follow whatever has been dummied down or where a leveling has occurred: it’s on its way out, it's in decline. Or even worse, it's been taken over and made inaccessible by the hierarchy of priestly specialists, our shepherds! So the force of life becomes a hierarchy of dependency. The rest of us, leveled and neutered by our own lack of dedication to create and innovate, but also by the imposition of a demeaning self-image, will carry on in work and leisure with simple patterns and routines. And many of us will be set in trance to flagellate ourselves, to repress our energies, to abandon our tools and our efforts.

"This is the self-fulfilling prophecy of herd economics: If we’re regarded as robots (or slaves!) and we accept this, then we become robots (or slaves). Soccer, lacking tools and hands, seems certain to lead to slavery. Study insect colonies and you may see that future! Baseball is a human rebellion for skillful achievement by proud individuals."

Oh, come on, Professor, these are all team sports! What is this "proud individuals" bull puckey, you sound like a Dr. Pepper commercial. Gee whiz, Professor, those Indiana Tech players sure don't look like rebels! You can't seem to grasp the concept: The team is prior to the individual . Furthermore, all field sports use legs, so what else is new! I think all your gibberish is just a 19th century argument for a 19th century sport!

"How dare you, you're just an intern, this is my space! Besides, it just so happens the 19th century was the best century! But we must do better, dammit! Baseball is a noble sport which requires skill, but too many of our youth in this over-feminized culture are just too stupid or lazy to try it. So now soccer is crowding out baseball and ruining the fields. It takes superhuman effort to overcome this depravity. You can understand why I would relate it to a cultural decline.

Oh, now I get it: "U diss cuz ur pissed!" Thanks, Professor!

(click here for link to Professor's book, Emergence of the Body Snatchers)

(click here for "Nietzsche's Tailor")

webkeeper: HotDogg

[For feedback call 415-552-6117, ask for HotDogg, proceed to scream, and I will respond in kind]

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Readers' Feedback

Web Intern Jerome "Sadammy" Kurtzenmeister (aka HotDogg) answers with all he knows, but how much is that?

from Bambi in Castro Valley:

What a fucking waste of time this web site is. I read the whole thing top to bottom, through to through, and I learned absolutely nothing at all!

Web Intern's Response:

Call me and we can discuss this, 415-552-6117. Stop by next time you're in San Francisco. In the meantime, here's some valuable information:

from Arnold in Sackatomato:

I couldn't help but notice the blatant partisanship of the Fat Cat cartoon at the top of this page. I would be very happy to help you lose your tax exempt status!

Web Intern's Response:

Oh, come on, Arnold, wipe off your makeup and remove that wax, you're starting to scare me! This is a nonpartisan site. Here's proof:

from Betty in San Francisco:

How do I really get going on the Internet? You must really know!

Web Intern's Response:

Not really. In fact, this web site is anachronistic. But what do I care, I'm just an intern. I did set up the Google toolbar: http://toolbar.google.com/

If Google gets too commerical, I'll delete it.

You can also make Google your default search tool. Instructions are at

http://www.google.com/options/defaults.html

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