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San Francisco Angels Wood Bat Semipro Baseball Team Since 1981 Organized by the California Baseball Association, a California Non-Profit Corporation Federal EIN 20-0073631 San Francisco, Ca 94114-1403 Phone & Fax 415-552-6117, Alternate Fax 208-567-1348 Email us |
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Hey, players who leave early! See our WARNING! |
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"All the News in Fits" Season's Greetings Gallery |
January 18, 2005 |
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Note:
In order to generate the large revenues needed to resuscitate the San
Francisco Angels Summer Collegiate Wood Bat
January 18: Study your baseball physics! January 17: Another crybaby email from a bleeding pacifist: ----- Original Message ----- Subject: Why.........
Seriously
consider our involvement in this mess! Why are we still there?
WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA!
January 13: Hades is Mad As Hell SISYPHUS RESIGNS! According to reports from the SoCal wasteland, the tragic mythical persona Sisyphus has ripped off his shackles and thrown away the boulder. "I'm tired of pushing this rock," he is reported to have said just before his outburst. “I need something new!”
Reached by phone at an unspecifiable location, Sisyphus denied that
there’s any pleasure in being forced by the god of the underworld
to perpetually push the boulder up a hill, watch it fall back to the
bottom, and then repeat this routine infinitely. “I spit on the
devil, I spit on entropy, and I spit on any French sissy who thinks I
enjoyed my labors. Tell Camus to deflower himself backsidewise!”
“I’ll tell you what, I don’t want to see another fucking rock or hill ever again, I'm moving to Florida!”
Despite this, some major league scouts will try to sign him up to throw baseballs from a pitching mound. This may take some persuading.
"He's got an impressive throwing arm," observed Tom DiTaranto, New York Mets evangelist. "What a goddam horse he is! A certified beast of burden. He’s also got poise and a strong will. A natural team leader. Look how he went hardcore against the real Devil and you tell me who’s done a better job against entropy recently. Nobody! And that's hard to do, even atheists give props to entropy. That Sisyphus is an undiscovered law of physics!
“Of course, the name will have to go, but a makeover is doable if we can push him toward a baseball career.” January 8: Downloads of the Month! One of the difficulties of the wartime-post-modern age is the deterioration of high culture amidst the detritus simulating the rubbish from the swamp of the digital revolution in endless battle flooding out the quality of civilization with an unrelenting profusion of unrewarding babble continuously shooting forth without end or purpose, and yet, well...Poor writing, unbound uploads of useless information, meaningless memes, boring detailszzzzzzzz......
Wait! This site will no longer tolerate garbage! Click on the links that follow for our picks of the month for improvement of your mind and soul: Comedy-Voltaire'sCandide-BBCradio(56mins22)mp3.zip This file will take 2- 4 hours to download, but is worth it. Unzip it when the download is complete. Because it is a zip file, you can save it instead of playing it right away. Little Junior Parker- I Wanna Ramble.mp3 This music file takes maybe five minutes to download, but your DJ is helping you out so take advantage. This file begins playing the song as soon as it finishes downloading into the internet temp directory of your computer. More downloads added: Excerpts- Cosmos and History.zip Professor Darren Staloff lucidly explains the New Year. His full lectures can be purchased here. Unzip this mp3 file when the download is complete. Pete Seeger- Give Me That Old Time Religion.mp3 Warning! Pete Seeger was a communist. This version of a traditional song is ironical, it does not give testimony to faith. The Travel Director likes it anyway. This file begins playing the song as soon as it finishes downloading into the internet temp directory of your computer.
And here. And click on the picture. He wants to make certain entertainment files available from this site, but the long hours dedicated to this site have resulted in sixty-four incompletes in web design courses at school. He has been awarded Lifetime Professional Student status. This is quite an amazing accomplishment, since in order to obtain Lifetime Professional Student status, you need to have fulfilled at least one of the following two requirements: (1) at least 100 accredited college units with incomplete grades or fails, or (2) at least 300 accredited college units attempted, all without earning a degree.
Of course, the web intern is very proud of his professional status, and attributes the honor to his persistent pretension, but even today he still knows nothing about file transfers. January 5: Summer Schedule: If the Travel Director's succeeds with his ambitious New Year's Resolution to pay all debts and overcome his insanity, the Angels have a four-game series with the Humboldt Crabs, a couple of tournaments -the 3rd Annual Best of the West Tournament sponsored by the San Jose Yankees and the San Diego 4th of July Tournament (NBC regional qualifier), as well as a full league schedule. January 3, 2005: Who's in Charge Here! The San Quentin Prison baseball program is scheduling games and needs to know if the Angels want to play the Giants prison team at The Yard in 2005. The Angels scheduled games there the last two years, but showed up with mostly Angel veterans and needed add-on players, including prisoners.
The Travel Director commented on the difficulty of again going through the embarrassment of showing up short of players. He recently went into a rant, proclaiming: "This generation of suburban ballplayers is too caught up in this country's insidious social stratification. They have been bred as golf course players with attitudes promoted by their investment-minded parents, elitist administrators of college baseball and MLB. Ideally, these sterile prima donnas want games only in their segregated gardens and gated communities until they can gradually expand their neo-apartheid space or maybe just dump all the rubbish out, replacing the underclass with robot servants. 'So nearer to God are we!'
"How cozy of them, how...diabolical!
"I might schedule a game at San Quentin in late May just to cull self-important players from the team by requiring attendance, and then watch these sheep baahk off."
Please contact
the Travel Director if you have overcome
[The Travel Director grabs the keyboard:] "Wait a minute! You're the fucking web intern, you've done this to me before, put me in a bad light with the players, misquote me, and basically promote your own agenda. I did not go into a *&^%$ ! rant, and I instructed you to call the players arrogant, not me!
[The web intern replies:] Your rants are uncool, man. You are undermining our revenue base! We can't get our players and their parents upset...
[T.D.] What revenue base? We have no revenue base! My rants? They're your fucking rants. I just gave you instructions to be critical. It is not your job to contradict and clown me- you're the web intern, but I am at a higher plane, I have to keep things in order! It's not an easy job you know, and I don't need your constant backstabbing. I tell you that John Coltrane is in hell and you tell everyone John Coltrane is God! Now get back to work.
There is some difficulty in getting in to play at San Quentin. You have to sign up ahead of time for clearance. For more information about the San Quentin experience, see related pages: a comedy in seven acts, report on May 1, 2004 game, 2003 report. December 20,
2004:
Model Citizens! The Travel Director keeps hearing success stories
from former Angels players he's talked to or who have been in touch with
long-time Manager Roland
Nazar.
The Travel Director is out of whack!
"Star outfielders Harold McCray and Mad Al Carpenter had nothing working for them outside of baseball and now are millionaires with multiple business interests. First baseman Mike Mukuno partied and played baseball hard, and hardly anything else, and now he sells mortgages. Former pro outfielder Colin Stewart used to bite off the heads of umpires for lunch but is now a San Mateo police officer lying in wait for me.
"Wes Bentley is a world traveler now living in Tahoe, Josh Zak just signed a contract to catch in the Golden Baseball League, street social worker Kai Kopp has started an outstanding catering business, and I'm the one who is going to spend more time in meditation than 2/3 Herb DeRungs spent in federal prison pretending he was Derek Jeter ordering bats and selling them on EBay!" December 10:
Vision Test:
Noticeably often in this country, the economic marketplace stomps on democracy and
even religion. Big deal! Every baseball fan knows that.
More often than not, instead of "one man, one vote", we have "how much
you got?" Which is fine, because we're all lucky to be alive and "the
person who dies with the most toys wins", etc. Who's complaining!
But when it comes down to health insurance, most folks want it and are raising their finger against those who don't want them to get it. These obscene troublemakers are willing to slap aside all the principles of freedom just for some damn health insurance!
But before anyone goes to the doctor, they should practice prevention and, some say, even self-medicate when necessary. In the interests of prevention, and keeping costs down for small businesses, Safeway, and Walmart, men should take this vision test before making an appointment==> click chikpic December 9: Bad Clone! Actually, the "home computer" photo below (see December 8) is fake, based on a contest! It is an edit-job of a photo from a Smithsonian Institution exhibit of a full-scale mock-up of a typical nuclear-powered submarine's maneuvering room in which the ship's engineers control the power plant and electrical and steam systems. Or maybe it isn't!
In the 21st century, they don't make things straight, they just fabricate. Thank goodness our Governor knows this and will keep us out of trouble. The President knows this too, but uses it to put us in trouble. This site, you see, tells no lies. Or maybe it do!
That M-F-Clone#043 will need to be reconfigured, which I guess was already obvious from his opinions regarding the recent lamentable presidential election. Got to get a sharp break going on his two-seam sinker, too. One way to do this would be to cut off his right thumb, so the pitch moves down fast! Or maybe it won't!
And removing any part on his right side might tilt him leftward, which is also an improvement. As Pete Rose says, "Bet on it!" (Pete Rose practices a branch of philosloppy known as Pragmastigmatism: All truths can be bent out of focus.)
December 8: Today, a strange email arrived! ----- Original Message ----- From: Matthew-Flaherty-clone#043--formerly assigned to SF Angels pitching staff, reassigned to gain intelligence- on planet Sent:
Wed, 8 Dec 2004 07:56:55 -0800 Oh, stop hiding from me, Captain, this is Matthew! I wish to report that the humans are catching up:
"Scientists from the RAND Corporation have created this model to illustrate how a "home computer" could look like in the year 2004. However the needed technology will not be economically feasible for the average home. Also the scientists readily admit that the computer will require not yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these problems. With teletype interface and the Fortran language, the computer will be easy to use."
In the 1950s, they didn't really work, they just made prototypes.
December 5: Scalping Our Wings! The Humboldt Crabs approved increases in the travel stipend to visiting teams in 2005:
That's right! The Travel Director imitated Barry Bonds imitating James Earl Jones channeling early 20th century boxing champion Jack Johnson (at left), your typical American before the womens took over.
"We don't need no stinkin' sponsors!," he mantra'd out loud for several days. "Nobody can own me! Give me some of that special flaxseed oil, I want to feel strong and righteous! I want to be perfectly Clear for every-body to see me!" At right: Barwy & Winky But then, pop! - another email arrived:
The Travel Director began to sob loudly. But then, the overloaded electrical impulses shooting through his meager brain went out his ears and arced all around his head, creating a huge halo which burned off his cascading tears, and suddenly shocked him into a great thought:
"That should do it," the Travel Director smugly proclaimed. "That'll fool those tree-brained hicks. Now we get $1,600!"
Ah, but not so, those Arcata boony-boys aren't as hickful as you would think! They refuse to accept the Official Notification, and wish us to sign off on the $1,100 bait-and-switch scheduling tactic.
What should we do? Email us with your advice!
December 4: Keep the Faith! Despite
financial ruin, insanity, impotence, and, yes, even those completely
puzzling and unfounded stirrings of traditional religious sentiment that
provides no room in its sectology for the Church of Baseball, the
Travel
Director has been contacted by the Humboldt Crabs and San Luis Obispo
Blues regarding Know of The Mukuno & The Holy Orb! Click on the pic for the mysteries of faith reveiled!
December
3: Golden Baseball League tryouts! Fill out a form and get a tryout
confirmation number if you wish to attend the tryouts for the new
independent baseball league. This league will own all the teams, and so
will be perfect for management of gambling outcomes.
In any case, league-wide tryouts will be held December 14th and 15th, Goodwin Field at Cal State Fullerton. The Angels have had several players in the last couple of years who should get on line and in line for this tryout. : Click here for tryout information and registration form
December 1: World War Dubya! Ok, this is a ten-day blog. I'm in a space-time warp: I'll fill in the space when I find the time! Speaking of warps, there's a crazy war going on in Iraq while just down the road in Dubai there's tee shots:
Click here for special photo report on the War In Iraq!
Help Wanted: Musicians! Click here for special revenue-enhancement program for musicians!
November 21: Phenomenological! Another tight game at Crocker #1 with the Bombers, but we pulled ahead in the seventh inning, 9-6. The intense competition continued in the bottom of the eighth inning as the Bombers looked like they might stop the Angels from scoring again. With two outs, Damian Broadnax came to the plate, having already smashed three wood-bat base hits in a row on tight fastballs. With Damian's long arms and position in the box right up at the plate, the Bombers' ace midget hurler #10 had gambled on pitches hard in to tie up the hitter, and had failed. Damian was locked in, But on the first pitch here in the eighth, that midget threw another hard one in, and Damian fouled it off hard to the trees on the right side, a little late. At this point, umpire Juan Escobar put an end to the game due to a three-hour time limit.
With that slap in the face, the intensity of the focused present collapsed, the pitch-to-pitch separation of time imploded, people became disoriented. Awareness shifted disappointingly to the real-time duties of shaking hands, gathering equipment, preparing to move fields for the barbeque and the second game, and all the plans and anxieties of preparing for the flux of time projected into the future. When the game is going on, for those "in the game", attention is on the "right now." When it ends, time pops the danger of the moment, and then time shoots forward in a cascade toward "what's up ahead." The awesome "now" was lost.
Phenomenon! The Angels have taken on some characteristics of a good summer college wood bat team. Pitching and defense have been excellent. More than half the team is swinging wood against teams that swing metal. The players stay focused during the several good games, and spit at the weak performances of the opposition during the numerous blowouts.
Phenoms! The lineup is full of solid talent, with newly-added players all contributing at a high level: Jake Holt, Charlie Cutler, Franklin Escobar, and Bryan Bassette, have joined Tino Ellington, Mike Ryan, Ramon Banks, Damian Broadnax, Edwin Lindo, Lex Robins, Juan Manzanares, Aldo Darce, and others. Banks, Lindo, Ryan McClellan, James DiBasilio, and others have provided talented pitching depth. Doug Thompson brought his two sons, Mike and Matt, high school pitching and hitting stars headed toward college ball, to participate today.
With Ryan McClellan's mound leadership, we now feel comfortable beating the Bombers. The next team to beat is Corinto, with their talented pitcher Darwin. Last month we beat them 5-3, coming from behind late in the game.
...Take Lex Robins, for instance. Identified during tryouts as simply "The Beast," Lex stands 6'4" and hits the holy hell out of the ball. A student, contractor, and father of one, he became interested in the sport at a young age via his older brother, an insanely competitive player. Lex recalls, "I had to hit against a guy who was a lot bigger, stronger, and meaner than I was."
I started to cry for Lex. I read on: Lex's brother was scouted by the Phillies in high school, but missed his shot at the big leagues when he got tendinitis in his shoulder and a torn rotator cuff. "That really broke his heart," Lex explained. "I'm passionate about baseball but my brother was really planning his life around being a professional baseball player."
Now I started to cry for Lex's brother. I sobbed into: Now he's a successful lawyer in New York...which happens. Well fire truck!" I exclaimed in an alarmed manner. "Here's a potential sponsor and Lex hasn't even mentioned him! Not only that, but I just cried about a fire-trucking ambulance-chasing lawyer. This is all Lex's fault." [Don't take sides with Lex, folks. After all, since Lex has a older jock-brother who is now an attorney, he's so used to being trashed flat that he's superquick at popping right up into your face.]
The article continues with an interview with the colorful ex-pro pitcher Ari Zagaris, who has also played on the Angels, but is now in Hollywood making big bucks as a prop in television commercials. Chinmusic is full of interesting baseball articles and indie music reviews, and the web site has the back issues: http://www.chinmusic.net. The magazine is available at Tower Records and through the office of Revolver USA Distribution, 2745 16th Street, San Francisco, California 94103 USA. Jerome, the Angels' web intern, says check it out! November 18 & 19: Busy with jokes and pictures (see below). November 17: Steve Reyes, who covers local high school players for the Cincinnati Reds, reports that lefty pitcher Rickey Ortiz is recovering quickly from a brutal stabbing attack last week outside a Taco Bell near Cuesta College, where he attends school. He is returning to school this week, and will be back in San Francisco for the holidays. Here is a link to the news article about the incident: http://www.sanluisobispo.com/mld/sanluisobispotribune/living/community/10162831.htm In July, Ortiz threw for the Angels in an extra-inning game at Skyline College against the San Mateo Dawgs.
Election Results:
Losers: Left Coast spiritual values, blunt-smoking womens. Winners: Tobacco exports, family values.
A couple of weeks ago, the Angels' Travel Director called Kai from a government facility on Bryant Street, requesting Kai's assistance in getting ahold of the Travel Director's relatives who might free him from immobility status improperly arranged by a racketeer-and-extortionist friend in South San Francisco. Instead of helping the Travel Director's family release him from the confines of that ugly edifice constructed over the site of one of San Francisco's most venerable baseball fields of the 1900s, Kai started pricing out the options of the various financial assistance entrepreneurs in the area, and trying to arrange a discount from the usual 10% flat rate imposed by these bail bondswomen.
Two of the Bombers-Angels games this winter have been the best competitions the Clemente League has put on in years, only one umpire shows up and he plays it nonchalantly, like we're supposed to entertain him. It's true that the damn midget pitcher picked off several Angel baserunners, but Damian Broadnax's left hand has extra long fingers and he made it back to the bag both times! McClellan picked up the win with a ten-inning performance after having pitched relief in the first game. The loss went to former Angel, veteran Danny Bright. Bright is now a nemesis, since he had hit a walk-off homerun a month earlier in the Bombers' 11-inning 4-3 win over the Angels. Said homerun hero Kai, "I knew the game was over when that midget left the game, Anyone can hit Danny Bright and I just proved it." [Editor's note: Quotations are approximate.]
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Novato Knicks Win Regional Playoffs in Fairfield - Move on to Battle Creek!
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From: Jim Brown, General Manager- SF Angels To: Mike Ryan & Eddie Gamboa cc: Chris Kenyon, General Manager- Novato Knicks, etc. Sent: Sunday, August 08, 2004 To Mike Ryan & Eddie Gamboa,
With your help, Novato will now play in Battle Creek. The Knicks beat up on the Fairfield Indians 20-10 and then pummeled the Sacramento Scorch again on Sunday to take the Western Regional Playoff Tournament and move on to the AABC Stan Musial World Series in Battle Creek, Michigan this week. It was the fifth playoff tournament game in two weeks between the Knicks and the Scorch.
The SF Angels and the Sacramento Rural League congratulate the Novato Knicks and the players whom the Knicks added to their roster from the Angels' playoff roster to make the difference in getting to the AABC World Series.
This is what the baseball community is really about. We will all share in your success.
Don't hesitate at all in doing whatever it takes to accompany the championship team to Battle Creek. Congratulations and keep moving forward!
-Jim Brown From: Chris Kenyon, General Manager- Novato Knicks To: Jim Brown, General Manager- SF Angels Sent: Sunday, August 08, 2004
Jim- Thank you for the nice message you sent out, we definitely appreciate it. Yes, we do need some good luck to come our way in Battle Creek so all the good thoughts will help. I will try to get in touch with you before we leave and thanks again.
Chris |
Ryan & Gamboa Join the Knicks In Victory AABC tournament rules allow teams to leave tournament roster spots open to add up to three players from other teams in their league, or, as they move upward, from other teams who they've just beaten in tournament play. As it is, AABC Stan Musial post-season rosters are limited to 21 players. It is tough choice to leave out players from your own team for the playoff tournaments, and even harder to wait until the Regional tournament to add the players. Usually, the players added will be pitchers. For the NorCal Sectional Tournament, the San Francisco Angels picked up pitcher Eddie Gamboa (UC Davis), thanks to the gracious good sportsmanship and civility of the Oakland Expos' boss Panos Lagos. After the Angels lost the Sectional tournament, the Novato Knicks picked up both Gamboa and Angels shortstop Mike Ryan for the Regional. Ryan impressed players, coaches and fans with acrobatic defense, and tough-minded two-strike hitting, as the Angels moved through a 2004 schedule of eight overnight trips and six tournaments. He was impressive again during the Regional with the Knicks. Mike Ryan earned his way to the AABC World Series. Here's a player those stupid scouts completely missed! |
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Look- It's Another Crawling Crab! The Angels' formidable infield defense led by veteran Mike Ryan, Jeremy Hernandez (Missouri), and Django Whittington Brudnick (Indiana Tech) made the opposition breathe dirt many times. Later in the season, 3rd baseman Dan Anderson (Napa JC) joined the mix, giving the team even greater infield depth. |
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Sacramento Scorch Win Sectional Scorch & Knicks Advance to Regional
2004 AABC Stan Musial NorCal Sectional Tournament Friday July 30th – Sunday August 1st San Francisco, California
Rosters Schedule Brackets Rules & Information Fields
Detailed directions to Golden Gate Park
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We Need Outstanding Players- Collegiate, SemiPro, Ex-Pro
The team's Style of Conduct has been revised. The pages on Proper Techniques for Pagan Thugs have been removed from the playbook. This year we will be Hard-Nosed Ballplayers, a more classic style that still leaves room for good times.
Let's beat the bad guys this time! At right, San Jose Whacks celebrate their 2003 upset win over the SF Angels at the State Tournament in Sacramento. The bluish team ended their season at the AABC Stan Musial World Series in Battle Creek, Michigan. The Angels did beat the Whacks this year in a 7-6 pre-season tournament game |
Wolf's Sports Athletic Equipment Baseball and softball supplies & equipment at reasonable prices. Personalized service. Call Jack Wolf at 415-552-1705.
webkeeper & collage designer: HotDogg [Jerome Kurtzenmeister, web intern]
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Semipro Baseball Team, we
began our daily blog:
"Just think of
the irony of it, Danno's pulling in the big bucks and I'm in prison,"
said the Travel Director, trying to amuse himself at the local facility
on Bryant Street in a dress rehearsal for a more regular gig coming up
in Redwood City. 
Oh,
Captain Zworg! Captain, Captain! Where are you, Captain?
That was cool!
$1,400 big bucks to pay for the trip, and maybe even pay some of the gargantuan debts of the team! So the Travel Director put on his
green Masters jacket and his black Darth Vader boots, and marched back and
forth in front of the mirror, prigging and mugging to himself, like
Macarthur or Mussolini - or maybe even Barry Bonds imitating James Earl
Jones channeling Jack Johnson.
NOTICE !
We are a
Bio-Rational web site.
